The Batclan Bimonthly
by Sophia the Scribe
Summary: Do not forward this newspaper to unauthorized recipients. To request the addition of a recipient, contact Batman (batman at leaguemail dot jl). Delete after reading. Archived issues are available on the Batcave network.


Subject: The Batclan Bimonthly (Volume -, Number -)

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From: reporter at batmail dot jl

To: batman at leaguemail dot jl; agent_a at batmail dot jl; nightwing at batmail dot jl; oracle at batmail dot jl; redrobin at batmail dot jl; batgirl at batmail dot jl; blackbat at batmail dot jl; redhood at batmail dot jl; robin at batmail dot jl; doctor at batmail dot jl; commissioner at batmail dot jl; tevmesia at batmail dot jl; superman at leaguemail dot jl; wonderwoman at leaguemail dot jl; originalflash at leaguemail dot jl; greenarrow at leaguemail dot jl; blackcanary at leaguemail dot jl; martianmanhunter at leaguemail dot jl; (see more)

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The Batclan Bimonthly

Volume -, Number -

The Informal Publication of Gotham's Vigilantes  
Compiled and Mostly Written By: Reporter  
Edited By: (sometimes) Agent A, (rarely) Tevmesia, and (very occasionally) Red Hood

Do not forward this newspaper to unauthorized recipients. To request the addition of a recipient, contact Batman (batman at leaguemail dot jl). Delete after reading. Archived issues are available on the Batcave network.

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Joker's Most Recent Breakout Contained

By: Reporter

While Batman was off-world on Justice League business, tracking down and apprehending the Joker after his recent breakout—and preferably before a large death-toll—fell to Nightwing's capable hands. When he was apprehended on the second night after the Commissioner's notification, his thwarted plan was revealed to involve both his own Joker gas and Scarecrow's fear toxin. (read more)

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The Red Team's Long-Term Plans to Reorganize Gotham's Gangs

By: Reporter

Red Hood and Red Robin have begun implementing their long-term plans to deconstruct some of Gotham's most dangerous drug runners and put their leaders behind bars. A correlated plan looks to support the dependents of the soon-to-be-imprisoned gang members with inside connections to the new Crime Alley revitalization project run by the Wayne Foundation. (read more)

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Nightwing and Oracle Wedding Update

By: Reporter

Due to unfortunate extenuating circumstances, the Batclan's resident affianced couple has postponed the wedding by another two months. "Maybe there won't be an alien invasion to interrupt us next time!" Nightwing was heard to remark. (read more)

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Batgirl's Broken Arm Update

By: the Reporter

Batgirl's right arm, broken in an encounter with Two-Face two months ago, is now fully healed. "I'm so glad!" she said. "Though I was sad to lose all of [Robin]'s drawings when [Doctor] removed the cast." (read more)

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Notices:

The coffee budget exceeded the batarang budget as of last week. Restore the proper balance by the next issue of the Batclan Bimonthly or only decaf will be served. –Agent A

Speaking of the Batarang budget, reclamation stats in the past fortnight increased from 91.68% to 94.47%. Good job and keep those numbers climbing! –Tevmesia

For Father's Day plans, contact me (nightwing at batmail dot jl)! –Nightwing

Black Bat's dance recital is in five days. She would like all of her siblings to attend. Meet Upstairs at 1600 hours and we will drive there together. –Batman

In celebration of Batman Day, the Batclan is cordially invited to the Clocktower at 1900 hours on the date in question for pre-patrol refreshments. –Oracle

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NEXT ISSUE: Let's hope there won't be another Arkham Breakout as top story…

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A/N: Just something random I found on my hard drive that I must have thought too stupid to post when I first wrote it; but apparently my shame decreases with time, and I found it mildly funny, so figured I might as well put it up for someone else to have fun with as not!

Couple clarifications: "Reporter" is Vicki Vale after that issue of Batman: Bruce Wayne - The Road Home where she agrees to keep the Bats' secrets and maybe work for them when they need a reporter. I decided to give her a slightly larger role in the later Batfamily of the Pre-boot universe than that frame possibly warranted; but really, she could be super useful in lowering circumstantial evidence connecting Bats with Waynes and revealing/concealing evidence to/from the press as needed for casework. And quite a bit in the future, say, she establishes the Batclan Bimonthly, by which events and plans are communicated to relevant people who are too busy to talk to each other much otherwise. "Doctor" is Leslie Thompkins-she made up with Bruce at some point, as did Jason. Tevmesia is Tam Fox (see my previous story Between the Clouds and Falling Rain). She's not a field agent but has become a bit of a supplies manager and organizer. I think everything else is clear enough...

Hope you got at least a little enjoyment out of this silly little piece :).


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